The last few days have been what they call the battle with your own self. Your mind creating scenarios of what ifs and rehashing the past over and over again. It’s interesting how it is called Rumination. Rumi would probably be amazed at how humans are grinding their heads over and over again on futile subjects instead of using it on something poetic or creative. We are awake in the middle of the night in cold sweat, and pounding heartbeat yet we cannot stop ruminating. We want to eat and chill, but the mind wants to go on its own way into the past or the unknown terrain of the future. We keep holding on to the viscous cycle. It wouldn’t be much of a problem actually if this thought grinding process was just that , thoughts, and they wouldn’t affect you emotionally or physically. That it wouldn’t be associated with fear. That it would be nice and peaceful.
But alas! it doesn’t work that way. Not unless you start practicing some sort of mindfulness or meditation practice.
So yeah that’s what I am thinking about. Is there anything creative coming out of this tiresome rumination process? Or is it just tiring out my mental and physical capacity and in a way, the whole existence?
A reminder that life gets overwhelming at times. Especially after the pandemic, we have been faced by this harsh truth about uncertainty, instability and isolation. But take a moment today to acknowledge the good things in life: maybe it’s your loved ones, or the good food you had, that view outside of your window or your dog. Be kind to yourself and express your gratitude to these little things in life which gives your life meaning despite the craziness around.
I am grateful to the awesome music this beautiful human being named Ichiko Aoba makes. I am so happy that I got recommended her music and we exist in the same time. Her songs fill me joy and peace. Here’s one for you:
I moved to a new city almost a year ago. Let me tell you, it has not been an easy journey. I moved right after the Covid craziness started getting a little slower. I moved away from my loved one, my friends and everything that made me feel comfortable.
The last 10 months have been a journey of trying to put together pieces of this new puzzle in order to make sense of my life here. I know it was my own conscious decision to move here and I am pretty happy with the reason why I made that decision but still in practical sense, things are a little out of place at times. Familiarity is gone, and I am trying make the unknown familiar and to find comfort in little things that brings me the sense of peace.
Moving to the new apartment has helped a great deal though. It is spacious and I don’t have to hear other people’s life sounds all the time. It is tranquil and it is my own space.
Getting used to these spaces that I spend so much time in has been what my daily routine consists of. Finding that perfect nook to read the books, figuring out where to place my record player and speakers so that the sound is perfect, finding out what decor makes my living room more cozy and my bedroom warmer, and adopting new plants and giving them a space so they can share my home, all these little pieces of puzzle makes my life worthwhile.
And I know that this process will go on and on and on…
Among many things I am grateful for in life right now, my big living room window is the one I want to talk about today. I have lived in several houses and apartments. One thing that has always affected the quality of my life and well being is the size of the window. I have lived in a basement apartment with a tiny little window where I had to turn on the light even during the day. That sucked big time and I hope I never have to live like that ever again. Therefore, I really cherish having a big window with light flooding in. There is something deeply spiritual to it.
Right now, the window I have does not overlook a sea or anything stunning. It’s just the view of the neighbourhood and the surrounding mountain but I have several trees outside my house. And even though right now, we still have snow and the trees are in winter mode, meaning there are no leaves, I still cherish their existence. Sometimes magpies come and have a swinging party there. Like today, I was listening to Ok not Ok and looking outside the window, when I realized that I could do this all day. Simply look outside this window and I am happy.
It’s not overbearing to be inside for a couple of days just because I can look outside and connect to nature and the lives around me. It’s beautiful and peaceful.
Yes, you heard it right. This is not my first blog so, no ‘Hello world!’ post here. I have created and deleted, and created and deleted a couple of blogs in the past. But I keep doing it. Let’s just say, I believe in this cycle of samsara, where I create and then erase in an attempt to let go of my attachment to this digital space. It’s quite healthy tbh. My previous blog was quite a success. I posted regularly, I believe it was interesting enough because people dropped by, liked my post and gave me a follow. So, when I decided to delete those blogs, it wasn’t like I didn’t second doubted my decision. However, I had this inner urge that told me that I should do it. Sometimes, the catalyst was another being who prompted me to hit the delete button just so I didn’t have to communicate with them and the other times, it was just purely my non-attachment practice. I do not regret though. There is something peaceful to let things go.
Do people read blog these days? Hmm.
This time around I will be using this space to share some peace, some success, some failure, and some happiness that I experience in my day to day life.